Stories

I had a teacher in elementary school who one day told me I was an average math student. I am not sure how she thought this was helpful feedback, but from that point forward, I internalized her comment and became, in fact, an average math student. One teacher. One comment. Dramatic outcome.

One of my educational mantras is that expectations are destiny. Children often conform to what we expect of them. Positive expectations yield powerful outcomes. Negative expectations shrink a child’s capacity. This is true for teachers and parents.

Most parents do not intentionally share negative expectations with their children. But a parent who is dramatically overprotective, for example, may unconsciously signal to the child that the world is a scary place, the child is not capable, or fear is an emotion to be hypersensitive to. The child then internalizes these expectations and assumptions and acts accordingly. Conversely, a parent who assumes a child is capable and resilient will usually have a child who develops these characteristics.

Expectations are equally important between teacher and student. I was lucky to have a 6th-grade teacher who had high standards and expected her students to meet them. And we did. It was a liberating and confidence-building experience for the shy boy I was at that time, and it helped counter the earlier experience I had with the teacher who assumed so little of me.

The expectations that parents and teachers share with children, either consciously or not, will influence the child’s sense of self and behavior. It is helpful for parents and teachers to monitor these expectations and make sure they are aligned in age-appropriate ways with the character traits they hope their children will develop.